Don’t Make Me Adult Today

 

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In honor of the rash of “don’t make me adult today” memes and Facebook status updates that have flooded my various newsfeeds, and to which I relate all too well, I have been inspired to explore in writing the major headaches and minor inconveniences that all fall under the vast and oppressive umbrella called “responsibility.” This sincere plea, which is a daily one for many, myself included, is uttered when the myriad things you have to do and deal with unfortunately take precedence over catching up on Ray Donovan. Although it is asked of an invisible decision-maker who will never actually answer, we all ask it each day, when our alarm clocks go off, again as our moods deteriorate precipitously on the way to work, and once more when bills are due, and on into infinity. The anxiety starts small, with trying not to get food on your clothes when you’re out to eat, and then goes off the charts, with things like trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, as if there’s one correct answer.

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Essential Power Ballads, Vol. 4

Welcome to the fourth installment of my guide to essential power ballads!

Journey– “Faithfully”

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Let’s just all agree that there has never been a voice out there quite like that of Steve Perry…except for that of Journey’s current lead singer, Arnel Pineda, who sounds EXACTLY LIKE HIM. Anyway, this beautiful power ballad slowly builds to a big finale as Perry ponders his life as a touring musician, but makes a vow of faithfulness to his significant other. Undoubtedly my favorite Journey song.  Continue reading

The Proposal

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I didn’t have a grand plan for it. No speech that I wrote out beforehand and memorized. There would be no clever and elaborate proposal that I spent a year planning. No flashmobs. No other participants. Just she and I. Nothing would be recorded and uploaded to YouTube for girls to gush and cry over. I did it in a very public place, but tried my damnedest to make it as private a moment as possible. All I knew is that I just wanted to do it, in my own awkward and honest way. Continue reading

Bye Bye Benny

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Last Tuesday, the denizens of the Jersey shore celebrated the start of what is lovingly referred to as “local summer”, which is a period of two or three weeks in September after the Bennies leave, when the roads are clear(er), the beaches are relatively empty, and the weather is still warm enough to enjoy various outdoor activities. The invaders from the North have made the trek back to where they belong until the next Memorial Day Weekend. For the past three-and-a-half months or so, the southbound side of the Garden State Parkway has been jammed with New York license plates, providing a slow-moving passageway for swarms of loud-mouthed litterbugs who make the shore a living hell for locals and the laughing stock of the nation each summer. The weekly invasion appears to start on Thursday nights now, as in the Benny universe, Fridays are non-work days.  Continue reading

Essential Power Ballads, Vol. 3

Welcome back, once again, for a new crop of sappy rockers that you must get into your ears and hearts! Essential Power Ballads, Volume 3 is here!

Europe- “Carrie”

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Swedish rockers Europe, the same guys who brought you the infinitely cheesy, space-themed “The Final Countdown”, offered up this by-the-numbers power ballad from the same wildly-successful album. Subdued verses, keyboards, big choruses, guitar solo. It’s all there.  Continue reading

America the Self-Righteous

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In certain ways, the haughty, sickeningly idealistic and self-righteous movement we call “progressivism” has turned the United States of America into a frightening battleground for even the most well-meaning of people. More and more, we have to go through our days walking on eggshells, afraid to say much of anything, so as not to offend the hypersensitive individuals who seem to be multiplying uncontrollably. We have to watch our mouths for the words that we say, even when we’re not saying anything that’s traditionally or patently offensive. The political correctness police are everywhere, ready to string you up in public for being insensitive, racist, or otherwise insulting, even if you truly didn’t mean to be.  Continue reading

Essential Power Ballads, Vol. 2

If you’ve read my first guide to Essential Power Ballads, I hope you enjoyed it! Welcome to Volume 2!

KISS- “Forever”

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A sappy gem from the Unmasked era, and co-written by Michael Bolton, “Forever” showcases a sincere Paul Stanley making a promise of eternity to his love. Stanley doesn’t have a great voice, but his passion makes up for that in spades, at least for this song.  It turns out that the band that brought us such family-friendly hits as “Let’s Put The X In Sex”, “Love Gun” and “Lick It Up” has a soft side after all. Continue reading

Essential Power Ballads, Vol. 1

Since I love 80’s music, and since I’m also a huge sap, I have decided to start a series for like-minded readers of The No Seatbelt Blog. Welcome to my guide to essential power ballads! Each volume will feature five tearjerkers that are loaded with lyrics of love and heartbreak, loud choruses and louder guitars. If you’re a fan of those songs from the 80’s (and a few stragglers from the first couple years of the 90’s) that made you pull out your lighter (or cell phone, nowadays) and sway while you sing along at the top of your lungs, take a trip down memory lane with me. Volume 1 of Essential Power Ballads begins now… Continue reading

Understanding In A Car Crash

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I can still feel the impact. I can still taste the powder from the airbag in my mouth. I can still recall sitting there for a moment, stunned, watching the bright green coolant pour out from the underside of my newly-mangled Chevy Cavalier, and out into the middle of the intersection. I still remember throwing my hands up and admitting guilt to the police once they got there, which is something I was later told you should never do, even if it’s true.

Seven years ago this week, I narrowly escaped a collision that could have ended my life, or someone else’s, or that at the very least could have changed either or both forever. It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon on Labor Day Weekend, and I was travelling from work to see my girlfriend at the time, at her new apartment. I hadn’t seen the place yet, and that night, I never made it inside. Continue reading

A Very Late-To-The-Party Review: Dollar Shave Club

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Just about everyone has to shave hair off of some part of their body, and do so regularly enough, I’m sure, to have realized that razor cartridges are one of the most inexplicably expensive products on the face of the Earth. I don’t know if companies that make shaving products are digging down to Middle Earth to find the metal for their razor blades, or if they’re extracting it from the bones of some mythical creature, but something is amiss when supermarkets have to lock up razor cartridges in those infuriating plastic lock boxes that seem to baffle cashiers at the register no matter where you go. If the good shavers of the world are resorting to theft of these insanely overpriced necessities, or are at least thinking about it, then something in the industry has to change, and someone has to lead the charge. Continue reading