Death and Taxes: Part II

Originally published on 7/12/11 at The Only Podcast That Matters (theonlypodcast.com)

Change is an unstoppable force that shifts our thoughts, actions, priorities, and traditions. Sometimes it energizes us, while other times, it inhibits us. Sometimes we can prepare for it, yet other times we cannot. One things we can always do is question it. People will always be curious as to why things evolve the way they do, on every level, from individual to mankind at large.

Technology has become equal parts amazing and scary. Communication is now instant, allowing for nOObs to get “pwnd” all over the Internet. It used to be that something “viral” sicked and killed people (i.e.- influenza). Now many things viral sicken and entertain people (two girls, one cup, anyone?). It has recently come to light that hackers have developed lofty causes to justify their cyber-criminal activities, and are being cleverly referred to as “hacktivists”.

Maybe if hackers have bigger fish to fry, it will result in fewer spam emails telling you how you can enlarge your penis with açai berries while working from home. Newborns are now tumbling out of the womb with smartphones. It’s amazing how people my age, or older, survived without them for so long. Then again, we went outside.

People seem to be more afraid of ridiculous things today. People in the 1950’s had to worry about Russians and radiation fallout from nuclear bomb tests. Now people carry hand sanitizer with them at all times. It’s baffling how just a couple years ago, everybody and their mother seemed to spontaneously develop an allergy to gluten. Not long before that, nobody even knew what gluten was, and it’s not something that just suddenly appeared in the foods we eat. It’s now almost the fashionable thing to do to be “gluten-free”, and that was born from psycho-somatic bullshit and fear-mongering in the news. Maybe if the “entertainment” industry keeps pumping out songs, movies and TV shows about dancing, everyone will forget their abject germophobia and gluten allergy that they’re convinced they have (that will be addressed in a separate rant, however).

Unemployment rates are at their highest since the Great Depression, the nation is still trillions in debt and under constant threat of terrorism, wildfires, and tornadoes, but the government has decided to focus its attention on baseball players who are juicing and hitting too many home runs. People like to see home runs. Get over it.

Over recent years, we’ve seen an unfortunate lack of originality from Hollywood, as studios are remaking, rebooting, and redoing every successful movie or franchise they can think of, and even some that were not so successful. Everything is in 3D to get people to keep coming to the movies, leaving moviegoers with headaches and the occasional epileptic seizure <<cough, Tron Legacy, cough>>. Even Titanic is going to be re-released in 3D. Let me tell you how you can cut two and a half hours down to 40 minutes with that one: Kate Winslet’s tits in 3D, her big hand on that sweaty window while DiCaprio is giving it to her, and the ship going down. Done. You’re welcome.

New Jersey is forever going through changes, most of them unfortunate and costing us money. We’ve seen rising tolls, lowered speed limits, an increasingly obnoxious yearly invasion by the assholes from the North, and the gradual disappearance of 24-hour diners (this one is especially distressing). Each time I get in my car, I notice that cameras on traffic lights are multiplying like stoned bunnies, under the bullshit guise of safety, while it’s really just a way to give you a ticket for blowing through a yellow light. Smile, you’re on not-so-candid camera! Here’s a $200 fine, asshole!

This concludes my second examination of the changes I see around me on the day-to-day. For now, I’m going to enjoy the little changes, by putting on a brand new pair of socks, flipping my pillow over to the cool side, and going back to sleep, hoping this all goes away. Until next time, roll with it, or resist. The choice is yours.

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